This is the page dedicated to those personal chicken problems that can only be discussed in private. As we all know life throws up many difficult ‘personal’ problems and sometimes you need some expert but friendly advice from an impartial observer. Well this is the page for that.

Please remember that my chooks are not medically qualified and in fact have not even been to university. So any advice given about keeping chickens is only from their natural experience, knowledge, instinct and intelligence which as we all know means it could be a little bit suspect in places…

Our expert problem solver is the late Buff Orpington who went to chicken heaven and communicates with us through the two rabbits we have in the garden.

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Dear Chookie

It’s getting near Xmas and I’m getting so excited. I’ve heard that it’s a very special time of year for us Chooks and we usually get invited into our owners house for dinner. What do you think I should take as a Xmas present when I go in?

Henrietta

Late BO writes

I have  heard that it is traditional to take a box with some breadcrumbs, parsley, sage and onion all mixed up into a sort of crumbly mixture. Somebody once told me that the owner sticks this up your bum but that can’t be true can it?

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Dear Chookie

Sometimes I find a gap in the fence and I just have to pop through and have a little stroll around the garden. The problem is that I can never find the way back in again and sometimes when it gets dark my lovely owner still hasn’t noticed. I get so frightened in the dark, come to think of it I get frightened in the light as well. What can I do to control my unwelcome urges?

Fluffy of Shropshire

Late BO writes

If this is the only un-natural urge that you have then you are very fortunate. A chicken life was not meant to be without surprises. I’ve heard that some chickens get to go on the dinner table of their owners. That must be very special for them. I think that you must speak nicely to your owner and ask them to make sure that the fence is absolutely secure so that there are no temptations for you. Failing that I think it will soon be chop chop munch munch time……………

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Dear Chookie

For some reason I am greedy. I just cannot stop eating. Whenever I see food on the ground I eat it. If there’s any kind of creature that comes near me I try and eat it. If the owner comes into the garden I have to rush over to the fence in case they may be bringing some titbits down. I eat all the green bits every time anything tries to grow and at night I dream about rushing out to eat some more layers pellets as soon as the pop hole is opened. What is wrong with me?

Big Chook

Late BO writes

There is nothing wrong with you. You are a normal healthy chicken.

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Dear Chookie

I have this uncontrollable urge to fly. My friends have told me that I am not supposed to but I see all the birds in the wood and I flap and flap my wings but don’t seem to be able to get off the ground. Tell me the truth, however painful, will I ever be able to fly?

Big Chook’s Sister

Late BO writes

There have been stories of chickens flying and in fact I think there was even a film made about this but it is all rumour. We chickens are the world’s best at most things but flying is not exactly our speciality. Let me ask you simply. Would you rather stuff your face full of food and have a nice rounded figure or would you rather be thin and weightless with a possibility of a gust of wind blowing you into a branch? Keep stuffing your face and forget all this flying nonsense.